too late or too early.

"Do you love her?" I ask. It's painful. I don't know if he loves her or not but if not, I guess we can do something. At least?
"I-Uh..." He pauses. I know what he'll be saying. That he doesn't love her. That he loves me and wants to be with me. But I know that's not the truth. I hate it when he acts like this. I can accept the truth. I don't want to accept fake love. Never.
"I want the truth. Tell me the truth."I say, half shouting. I know I want him to say that he loves me. But I also know that he doesn't-anymore. I just want the words to come out of his mouth and not others.
"I-Michelle. I-" I can tell he's confused. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt me. I know the truth hurts but it would be easier to accept the truth than live with lies. I stare at him. He look down, as if ashamed or something.
"Yes, Michelle... I-I do love her." He finally said. He ant's to say more. He wants to explain but i guess the truth that came from his mouth is enough for me. I don't want nor need explanations.
"W-well... Y-you finally said it." I try to stop the tears. This is too much painful. Too painful. I can't stop it anymore. If I don't go away, I know I'll just break down and cry right there, in front of him. I don't want to be a burden anymore. I already caused too much trouble. I don't want to add more to what I've done. No.
"O-okay. I guess all's been said. There's no more to add, is there? I-if you excuse me, I have to go somewhere. Thanks for lending me your time anyway." This is too much. At this rate, I'll surely break down in front of him. I immediately turn back as to not let him know I'm crying. I try to hide. The pain, the sadness, the suffering. I can't trouble him anymore. If he hadn't met me, he would be living peacefully with her by now. I can't. I can't.
"T-This would be our last meeting. Don't worry. I won't trouble you anymore."
"Michelle, listen to me. I really didn't mean to-" I already ran towards the door. I don't want to hear it. Enough. His words were echoing inside my head. "Yes, Michelle. I-I do love her." Enough. "You're the only person I'll love in my lifetime." How can he be so sure? Now I proved him wrong. I knew it. He can't love me or wait for me whenever I want him to. "Well, if you'd be happy with Alex, I guess I have to get out of the way." Yes. I guess if Alex hadn't died, I'd be happy with him right now. Stupid, stupid girl.
I sit on a bench. When I'm feeling down, it feels good to see nature. I enjoy it. But it doesn't work right now. Nature can't cheer me up. Here I am, still deep in thoughts. I remember Alex said once, "Tanya, if I die, would you, by any chance, go with me?" "go with you? Hey, Alex. Don't say things like that. You're giving me goosebumps all over." "Tanya, I'm serious. Just answer honestly." "I-well. I can't... seem to picture a life without you. I could die with heartache." "Tanya, promise me. If I die,don't commit suicide or anything like that." "However am I supposed to live in that... that..." "Just continue to live. Promise me." "Why are you talking about this? Are you ill?" "Promise me." "Okay." "Remember, when that happens, I'll watch over you. I'll stop you from committing suicide. But if ever you succeed, I won't forgive you." I guess that's one of the reasons why I didn't follow him when he died. Heh. Funny. We should be laughing by now if he hadn't died. I miss you, Alex. I still love you. Nothing has changed. It's just that I have to move on. But believe me, I guess it was a bad choice, after all. I guess my mistakes are just either of the two: I just loved him too late that he has someone else already or, I just loved him too early that he still has someone else. But I guess either of the two, I still loved Ryan at the wrong time. Funny, stupid, stupid girl.